Ramblings

This is going to be long and drawn out and random so here is your warning to stop reading if you so desire.

Yesterday was a really bad day. It was an emotional roller coaster - who am I kidding the last few months have been this way...anyhow....we had to give our written two week notice removing our children from daycare. This was very hard for me to do. I have cried and cried and cried about this. I did NOT want to do this but I had no other choice. We could not afford it. Trace has been in daycare his whole life with the exception of about 6 weeks in kindergarten when he picked up really bad habits riding the school bus home everyday. Canon has been in daycare since he was 5 weeks old. We put Trace at this particular daycare in Jan 2009 - after the 6 weeks of school bus ordeal (he had been in another daycare but it had changed ownership and I wasn't comfortable with all the changes the new owner had made so we decide to pull Trace out of daycare and let him be a "big boy" and ride the bus home everyday where Heath or Grandma would be waiting on him...like I said it only last 6 weeks and we HAD to get him back in daycare b/c he was picking up way to many bad habits and words and attitudes). Canon was born in early April and began daycare by Mid May of 2009 and he LOVES it there and they LOVE him. He gets up in mornings asking about his teacher and can't wait to get there to see her....needless to say this was a very hard thing for me to do....everybody knew it was coming, we did, the teacher did.....the reason why we are having to do this is b/c the funding for the government daycare assistance program that we were in did not come through and without this help we can not afford to pay for daycare.....needless to say I cried a lot yesterday and I will continue to cry about it the closer we get to May 31 (the actual last day the boys will be there)....

On a brighter note: I got a card from my grandparents yesterday that also made me cry - this time it was happy tears....it was a graduation card acknowledging my accomplishment.....my grandmother had written "You did it the hard way but you did" (or something to that effect).....this little statement from her just made me smile and think "Yeah I did it the hard way but I did it and it makes it that much sweeter" .... I am so waiting to see that diploma hanging on my wall (I just haven't made the time to go get it framed )....

I need to figure out how to make things better - placing blame here or there doesn't help and I refuse to do it and I think that is part of the problem (maybe if I would it would make things go away but I am not going to)....it doesn't matter why or who or how all that matters is getting past it and moving on....that is what I am concentrating on....How to get through this trial and on to the next one so to speak b/c there will always be a next one? When there are no more then what is there to look forward to?

I guess I have rambled enough....hope you were able to follow along if not Sorry but I warned ya....

I am gonna end on a Happy Note......

 :)