Hold Steady and Let God Work

Heath and I have been struggle with alot of things the last few weeks.  Last night we sat down and spent some time with our pastor (Thank you so much for you wonderful words and advice Bro. Dennis) I actually went to bed feeling a bit more at ease last night that I have been.  I am trying to put into action the things that we discussed and actually had already been trying to do some of the things that were told to us to do. 

When I got to work today I remembered that Mom had given me a daily devotional book over the weekend and I sat down to read a few after lunch just b/c I felt that I needed to spend some time with God.  When I got to yesterday's devotion it really struck home with me.  I felt so strongly pulled to it that I have now read it numerous times, and have even typed it up and emailed it to Heath and decided that maybe someone else might be able to use these words to help themselves out with struggles they are having.  I hope that if you are struggling with something you will seek advice and guidance from the awesome Lord above and also for someone that loves you and wants to help you.  Heath and I have been trying to figure things out and it seems like we have made progress at times but then at other times it doesn't feel like we are getting anywhere.  After last night I know that we can make it through this wilderness or season that we are going through.  We need to rely on God and be patient and he will show us the way.  Like Bro. Dennis told us - "Learn the lesson that he is teaching you now b/c you don't want to have to go to summer school to get it"....lol....

2Co 4:17

"Our light affliction…is working for us."

There are times when everything you attempt to do will seem to go wrong.  Your faith may be strong and your commitment deep, yet adversity will come knocking on your door.  In such times, the power of prayer will strengthen and stabilize you.  But you can’t pray away life’s seasons!.  God has a purpose for not allowing you to be fruitful all the time.  Real growth requires seasons of struggle as well as seasons of success.  Your seasons of struggles destroy pride in your own ability, increase your dependence on God, and cause you to say like Paul, "Not that we are sufficient of ourselves…our sufficiency is from God" (2Co 3:5 NKJV).  These are humbling experiences, but you need them.  Your life is like a tree:  in winter it silently refurbishes its strength, preparing for the next season of fruitfulness.  As you look back on your life’s accomplishments you’ll notice that they are seasonal.  There are seasons of rain as well as sunshine, and each season serves an important purpose.  That’s why it’s a mistake to make a permanent decision based on a temporary circumstance or changing emotion.  "The things which are seen temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal" (2CO 4:18).  The word temporal means "subject to change."  Hold steady, it’s not always going to be this way!  Sometimes the situation doesn’t call for action, it calls for patience and trust in God.  Paul writes:  " Our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us."  In ways you cannot understand, God is making the circumstances you’re in today work for your good.

Raw

Raw - I guess this is the best word to describe the way I feel these days - Raw.    Life has taken a very ugly and nasty turn for me this week and some startling realizations have come to light and because of that I am Raw.  I have no energy for anything, I feel sick all the time, all I want to do is run away somewhere and hide until life decides to go away and find somebody else to pick on.  It is my own fault really but it still doesn't make it any easier to take....Mary Poppins says "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" but what about with life - what makes life's ugly realities easier.  How do you swallow them down without hurt, or damage?  Why bother?  Is it even worth it?  Do you even want to try again?  These are the things that I have asked myself over and over again this week and honestly the answer to all are YES I DO.....I hope that the Rawness will go away and my world will right itself and spin on its axis again normally soon - if it doesn't well, we all know me - I am the girl that goes with the flow and always rolls with the punches....I don't rock the apple cart unless I just have to.....hopefully life will get better.....my friend posted on facebook yesterday that she was trying to recover from running the marathon that we called life and you know that kinda sums it up.....oh well....at this point in time all I can say is I feel utterly and truely Raw.

catching up

Well today is Father's Day and I don't think Heath's day has started off all that great.  Woke up to find that we have no satellite....which we knew would be happening just didn't expected it today of all days - oh well.   The good news is that all the kids are home with us which is all Heath wanted for Father's Day so that is a plus. 

Been a while so lets see if I can catch everything up:

Trace spent a week in Arkansas with Heath's mom and had a blast - so much so that I didn't hear from him some days.  He is already talking about next year's trip.  (She goes every year - we all went last year but we didn't have the money to make the trip as a family this year so just Trace went)  Trace has a few more baseball games to play (they are making up rainout games this year b/c they will effect the standings - last year we didn't have to make up any games).   Trace will be going to Merit summer camp in two weeks and he will be in the space class and he is so excited about that. 

Canon got to go back to daycare one day last week and he was so happy.  His teacher said it took his daddy a whole two weeks to undo what it took them a whole two years to accomplish...lol.  She said she had some issues with him telling her No and hitting.  I told her that we were having the same issues at home but the older boys play rough with him and he doesn't think anything about hitting them and starting a "war" to get them to play with him so.....good news is that I think we have figured out a way to get him back in daycare for 3 days a week - he needs it so bad.  He was not whiny or fussy or anything that night when he got home.  He finally had people his own age to play with and he was happy.  He has also figured out that he loves to swim.  He will jump off the diving board and the sides of the pool and he loves it.  Give him his life jacket and away he goes - he doesn't like floaties at all.  He also got to go to Geyser Falls for the first time last week and he loves that also.  He will definately be included on more waterpark trips b/c he had so much fun and wasn't afraid of anything. 

Michael is still with us and he is waiting on the call to go to work for real.  In the mean time he is mowing grass to make money.  He has cut several yards and seems to be very happy here.  His youth group from the coast is coming to Smithville in July to do VBS and I think he is wanting to go do that with them - I had a great emailing back and forth with a lady that was heading it up for his church - it is so nice to hear awesome praise about your children coming from other people.  She said some pretty nice things and she feels the same way about things that Heath and I do so that is a plus to know that we do have an ally of sorts in his life on the coast. 

Nicholas arrived back home yesterday and so far he seems happy to be here.  I dont' think he did very much while he was back on the coast but according to him he never does.  I really don't have much to say about him b/c he just got back.  Next time I am sure I will have more comments. 

Life is still hard and life is still a struggle everyday but the Lord is lighting our path and we are following his footsteps.  One day maybe all will be easy but honestly I don't see it happening.  Heath and I have had some rough days lately but I think we have smoothed things over and seem to be doing better.  He is still looking for a full time job and the bonding stuff seems to be picking up - Monroe County anyway - still hasn't done anything in Lowndes County but......

That's my life and this is just another day.....looking forward to my time with the New Journey Babies today at church......

What a week....

It's been awhile since I have had a chance to sit down and write....let's see if I can remember all the stuff that has happen since the last time I did....

Heath was baptistized last Sunday night.  All of the our children were there to see it and his mom got to come too.  His dad had planned to come but he just wasn't able to. 

The "to do" list was completed and the appraisal on the house has been done.  My husband and children all worked so hard to get everything done that needed to be done and kept the house clean.  The only thing that I hate was that laundry was sooo piled up and there was no place to "hide" it away...I hope that doesn't hurt the appraisal in any way....as a reward for all the hard work that they did we went to the water park (Geyser Falls) on Monday and it really wasn't all that crowded....it was HOT though but it has been hot all week long.  There have been all kinds of record setting temps here in Mississippi this week.  It is awful and it is only June 2, I can only begin to imagine what it will be like in the coming months. 

Heath's dad has been in the hospital in Tuscaloosa since Monday also.  He went in b/c he had so much fluid on his legs that when you touched him, it would bust open and start seeping out.  Yesterday he was moved into ICU b/c his CO2 level was too high.  He is on a c-pap machine to get the CO2 levels down.  When he went into ICU his levels were over 100, this morning they were down to 70 but they have to get to 30 before he will be back in a regular room.  The good news is that the medicine that they have been giving him for the fluid seems to be working b/c the swelling in his legs are going down.  He was in better spirits today than yesterday.  Please pray / continue praying for his healing and comfort during this time and for peace and understand for his children and wife. 

Canon went swimming in the pool for the first time this year on Saturday - He loved it.....He doesn't realize he isn't as big as the other kids and he wants to play just like them.  Grandma bought him a boat to ride around in and then Lala got him some floaties and he just has so much fun.  Tonight he jumped off the diving board and went down the slide....if I had not been in the pool with him I would have taken pictures but I will get some next time. 

Tuesday was Canon and Trace's last day at daycare.  Things have been pretty crazy this week so I don't think either one of them have really realized what they are missing out on....Once Nick goes home Trace will begin to miss his friends and will start asking to go I am sure.  I am just waiting on Canon to start asking for Ms. Rachel (his teacher) any day now. 

Michael, the kid that wasn't gonna come visit and then showed up to stay for only one night and then decided to stay for two weeks, has decided to spend the WHOLE summer with us.  He is going to be working and his mother has agreed to let him stay with us.  Nicholas on the other hand is still leaving us for a couple of weeks but he will be back again on the 18th.  He isn't real happy that he is having to go home and Michael getting to stay. 

We are a few less pets around our house these days.  Canon's rabbit, Dabbit, died last week from heat stroke.  He was solid black and the day that we moved the rabbits outside to their new cage he died.  Well tonight, Snowball, Nick's rabbit (that he got when Canon and Trace got theirs that had been living with him at his mom's that he brought with him when he came to visit), died.  Heath was cooking supper and happened to look out the window and saw him fall over and ran outside and got him and did CPR / mouth to mouth / ran him under cold water....everything he could possible think of to save him but he did not make it.  Now we only have Nibbles, Trace's rabbit.  On the other hand we discovered last week that Wicket and Shadow (the cats) are BOTH pregnant so we will be over run with kittens in the near future....if you would like one please let me know....as soon as they are ready to go they will have to go and both cats will be fixed no excuses this time around.   Both hermit crabs have also died.  So as of today the total pet count is at 6 - 2 dogs, 1 rabbit, and 3 cats (soon to be who knows how many).

I guess that about catches my week up....tomorrow will be a sad day b/c Nick will be going home but like I said he will be back again on the 18th so.....hopefully tomorrow will bring good news from Heath's dad also.