Help Me

It's been a while since I have sat down to write and I know I should do it more often but I really can't seem to make time to do it....I always feel better when I get things off my chest but I just haven't taken the time lately to do so.....

So much has happened since I last wrote anything it would take me FOREVER to catch it all up...and honestly I don't want to talk about all that. 

The past few days have been really really really hard on me.  I am run down, wore out, tired, drained, emotionally, physically, even spritually at times....I know that everything happens for a reason and I completely understand that and I understand that I need paitience to get the other side of any and all dilemilas that I am going through but sometimes I just can't....I just don't have the time or the desire to wait or rather the will to sit back and be paitient while the answers slowly come in.......

Canon has been sick for SO long and we though he had allerigies....we take him to the allergy doctor just to be told Nope no allergies....then what is the problem....any answers - no just keep doing what we are doing....THAT DOESN'T HELP HIM.....

Heath has been in SEVERE pain for a week and half now, been to the ER three times....two CT scans, three sets of blood work, an ultrasound, a hydra scan, three shots of morphine, numerous loritabs later and we are still really just guessing at what MIGHT be the problem....I am just frustrated....Yes today I spend all day in the emergency room with my husband laying in the bed in and out of a morphine induced coma - I worried and wondered all day....everytime the dr came into the room I thought maybe this time we would get an answer and then the dr would come back in the room with another "hmm, I don't know - lets try this" and the cycle would start all over again...I would say a quick prayer that this would be the one that gave us the answer that we needed. and then when it didn't I would get a little bit more worried and upset and frustrated....I just don't know how to let it all go....I know I need to, that I am supposed to, that God wants me to, that as my father he will take care of me but I have been the one to take care of things for so long that I just can't seem to let things go....I need help with that.......How do I turn it all over to God and leave it with him?  How do I let him have it and not take it back?  Every time I think I have done just that, I turn around and yank it right back from him and start fretting over it again.....

As of right now Heath's diagnosis is gallbladder disease and a peptic ulcer.  He has an appointment on Monday afternoon to see a surgeon and is on a bland diet and taking medicine for the ulcer....he also has new pain medication that will hopefully help get him through until something else is done.  The kicker to all this is - He has now missed a full week's worth of classes and he has finals in two weeks....I have to figure out someway to get him coherent enough to contact his teachers to see what he needs to do to make up his missing work so that he doesn't lose the semester of this last week of missing days....

Please pray for us b/c we really need the prayers right now....We also so much other stuff going on that I can't even begin to get into......If you ever need a prayer don't hesitate to ask b/c I will be glad to pray for you if you will be kind enough to do so for me.....